Stoney River

Friday night I wanted to surprise Ginger and not tell her where we were going for dinner. I called Stoney River for reservations and was told that for parties less than six they only offered priority seating. What that meant was we would be assured of a table within 20 minutes of arrival. Hmmmm. Odd, but I told the person on the other end of the phone that we would accept priority seating and I thought to myself those 20 minutes could be enough time to have a cocktail and examine the restaurant in a relaxed manner while sitting at the bar. I had been told that Stoney River was a good restaurant and was worth visiting. It was not far from our Palatine townhouse, just a couple of miles north on Quentin Road and we pull into the Deerpark Town Center Mall at our normal 6:30 PM time and park in the rear of the restaurant as all parking up front was taken. I assume it means the restaurant is full however that is not the case. We walk through the front door and are greeted by a host and hostess dressed totally in black. They tell us that we can be seated immediately. We are escorted by the host to a table in the rear, and to tell you the truth it is dimly lit and the furnishings are dark. As we arrive at our table Ginger excuses herself to use the powder room and the host motions me to have a seat in the booth with facing seating opposite me where Ginger will soon be sitting. The booth can probably seat six yet we have it all to ourselves. I sit down and have the odd sensation of sinking into a chair with broken springs. I stand up immediately and the host asks me "what's wrong." I tell him that this particular booth must have had a lot of traffic and offer him the opportunity to test out my seat. He sits down and proclaims that all of the seats are that way. About that time Ginger returns and I tell her about the booth and she tries her side and reports a similar sensation of sinking into the bench seat. We shrug and decide that this is as good as any other seat in the place. The walls are wood and the tables and benches that make up the booths are black. It makes for an extremely dark atmosphere and almost cave like as the only natural light entering the space is coming from the east facing front door and the partially shuttered windows. The host leaves us after announcing that Jennifer will be our server and she would be with us in just a minute. An anonymous waiter places a basket of what appears to be little puffs or loaves of bread and a delicious honey butter on the table between us. We both try them and agree they are yummy. In fact I keep nibbling at them while Ginger exercises an incredible will power to resist over indulging. It didn't take long before Jennifer arrives and she too is dressed entirely in black. She provides us with a run down on the menu and also explains the specials. She gives us an opportunity to order immediately yet we ask for our typical cocktails and time to go over the menu. Ginger, as usual, has a Chardonnay (their house wine) and I ask for a Johnny Walker Black Label on the rocks. Jennifer hustles away to get our drinks and we look at the appetizers on the menu that Jennifer has just described and decide we will have the crab cake (which, Jennifer has been careful to tells us, was unlike a normal crab cake) in a capers and mayo sauce. Ginger doesn't like capers but she could avoid them and none of the other appetizers seem appealing so we decide on the crab cake just as our server returns with our drinks.
I've said it before in earlier blogs but here it is again. I find the tiny carafe filled just to neck delivered to the table to then be poured into this hugely over sized wine glass the epitome of silliness and seems downright snobbish. We first sat down to these gigantic wine glasses as part of the table setting and I was certain they would be removed if a glass rather than a bottle of wine was ordered. But nope, here comes that idiotic miniature carafe that I absolutely despise. The other no-no is pouring a chilled white wine into a glass that rivals a quart bottle for sheer volume.... In fact I bet these glasses sitting in front of us could hold an entire quart. The size of the glass acts to warm the wine quickly before there is a chance to enjoy it. That is why fine wine drinkers and readers of wine magazines and members of wine clubs understand that a glass for a chilled white wine is generally smaller and with less surface area than a wine glass intended for a red wine served at room temperature. Okay with that off my chest I watch as Jennifer also places on the table the smallest glass of scotch on the rocks I have ever seen in a restaurant. It's nearly as small as the tiny carafe. If there is an ounce and a half of Black Label surrounding the ice cubes I'll eat the glass. We order the crab cake and Jennifer takes our order to the kitchen and I mutter to Ginger that maybe I should have ordered a double. We discuss the menu some more and it's a forgone conclusion that Ginger will have some kind of fish and I want a steak.... it's just a matter of deciding which one. Jennifer returns with our appetizer and I have to say she was correct that it isn't a typical crab cake. In fact it appears to be lump crab that is mixed with celery and scallions and pressed into a ring mold on top of a thin mayo based sauce mixed with capers. The sauce tastes of mayo and mustard and I definitely think the capers bring their unique taste to the party. The crab is excellent and Ginger and I finish it in world record time. Jennifer returns for our main order and is surprised to see that we have so quickly dispatched the crab cake. We tell her that is was delicious and we get on to the business at hand and Ginger orders the horseradish encrusted grouper with caramelized onion mashed potatoes and green beans while I order a New York strip with a baked potato. Ginger orders another tiny carafe of wine and I get another thimble of scotch and we await our dinner.

Ginger points out some of the decor and says that the place is a little dark and almost boring. I agree that there isn't much excitement here and certainly the menu didn't reach out and grab my attention either. As we look around there is a bar located toward the front and right of the hostess station as you face it from the door. It is a square bar and has access all the way around it. There are only a few few people there and many of the tables near us are filling up with customers but it does seem subdued here with almost no buzz of conversation or background music.

Our dinners arrive and I have a nice big steak with the appropriate grill marks and Ginger has a very brown appearing mass or lump that I assume is the grouper encrusted with horseradish on her plate next to a small mountain of mashed potatoes and nest of green beans. We thank her for the plates and Jennifer leaves us to our meal. I cut into my steak and it is the correct color and temperature. I start to dress my baked potato and for those that know me this is quite the production. It needs lots of butter that I scrape down the inside of the baked potato and mix it until the entire inside portion of the baked potato has been coated and covered with butter and has a creamy consistency....It's almost like having mashed potatoes inside the skin. I then grind some fresh black pepper and sprinkle it with salt and top it with a generous dollop of sour cream. This potato is right at the line of underdone. It's not too hard but just the same I would have let it go maybe 10 or 15 more minutes in the oven or more time in the microwave. Of course in today's restaurant preparation, most potatoes are cooked to nearly done and then finished when the order comes in. I'm not really knocking it but it could have been better. What I am most disappointed in is the steak.... It's an average cut of meat with a toughness I don't want in a restaurant steak. The flavor is unremarkable and to be very honest I could have done a better job on my Weber at home. And as you know I rarely talk price but for what I paid for that steak it should have knocked my socks off and it didn't. It was an average inexpensive chain steakhouse (Ponderosa, Outback or Lone Star) piece of beef with a Morton's or Ruths Chris price tag. I tell Ginger that I'm not excited by my food and she reports a similar experience and tells me her fish is so-so. To be honest, I think grouper is a fantastic fish and Stoney River should have an equally fantastic preparation. Ginger also describes her mashed potatoes as too sweet from the caramelized onions and even goes so far as to say it's as if the chef mixed sugar into the potatoes and she regrets her choice of potato as she could have had roasted garlic mashed potatoes instead. The green beans are unexciting and the entire meal is in a word....... boring. It lacks flavor, visual excitement or even unique preparation. With the exception of the crab cake it's been a bland experience. What really hurts is the last items in the menu right after the desserts is a small list of nice port wines that are on hand and when I saw that I was sure this would be a great experience. Jennifer reappears at the table and takes away our dishes after ensuring I wanted the remainder of the steak to take home and Ginger didn't want the sizable piece of fish she left behind. It has been a very fast dinner service and we have barely been here an hour and I suggest another drink at the bar and Ginger agrees that it really is too soon to go home on a Friday night. After we pay our bill and leave a tip for Jennifer, who really did try hard despite my sense that she was working from a script, and walked across the restaurant to the bar and took a seat. Ginger had another glass of Chardonnay and wouldn't you know it, the bartender pours it into a tiny carafe and then pours half of it into the gigantic wine glass he has set in front of Ginger...... ridiculous! I order a Drambuie straight up and a cup of coffee.... He goes to the kitchen to get the coffee and returns with it and then pours a wee dram of liqueur into a small glass and Ginger and I toast the evening before we decide to go home.

This was a hard blog to write this week as I didn't really know what to say about the experience. It wasn't bad and it wasn't good.... it was mediocre at best and very dull. I can't make Stoney River a recommended destination and I probably won't go back myself. The menu is pricey and the food underwhelms, the atmosphere is dark, dated and boring. As Ginger would say it....there is just no wow factor. Stoney River doesn't have a sense of excitement about itself and it certainly didn't deliver the promise described on its web site. If you have never been to Stoney River save your money and go somewhere tried and true. If you are a Stoney River fan or regular there really are better and less expensive options.... I know I have eaten at them.

http://www.stoneyriver.com/